All that we have, all that we are
by BoldBlondeandBeautiful
Summary: Yes, another one of those hated sister!fics. But, I think I'm making it interesting. Companion to my oneshots, "Profile of a sister" and "The picture" so read those too! Rated solely for language and implied sexual relations later on. RnR it'd mean a lot!
1. Prologue

**Not planning on making this sister!fic too mainstream, darlings. This chapter may seem weird, but it's just the prologue. A recap, if you will. The foundation. Eh, just read, I won't keep babbling. **

**Disclaimer: Mmm, no, I'm just playing in Kripke's sandbox. Dropped Kelsey in for fun. **

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><p><strong>June Fifth - 1981 - Approximately "Holy Crap The Kid's About To Explode" O'clock<strong>

Two year old Dean Winchester was absolutely excited out of his mind.

For months, his parents had been telling him that he would have a little brother or sister. Months.

And now he was going to meet him or her.

A smiling mother greeted him from the door, holding a little pink bundle. His father steps in as well, pulling the door closed. "Come meet your baby sister, Dean." Mary says with a smile. She walks to the couch and sits down, and Dean jumps up next to her.

A pretty little pink face greets him, snuffling slightly and reaching a pudgy hand up to rub pretty grey-green eyes. She coos at him happily, and he grins. "What's her name?" He asks his mom.

"Kelsey."

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><p><strong>May Third - 1983 - Approximately "Jeez, Don't Knock Your Father Over!" O'clock.<strong>

The scene repeated itself just under two years later, with Dean excitedly bouncing around the room again, and Kelsey squeaking and grabbing her brother's arm every so often. As soon as their father steps through the door, he's leapt upon by shouting toddlers. "Is it a boy or a girl?" "What's the baby's name?" "Is it really really cute?" He can't even answer any questions before he's abandoned by the children, who are now bouncing around their mother and the new baby. "Mommy!"

"Hey! My little cuties!" She laughs. "It's a boy!" Dean sticks his tongue out at his sister, which makes both of his parents laugh. Mary heads over to the couch. "Come meet your little brother, kids." They each take a side, and stare at the baby curiously. It's a new experience for both of them, Kelsey's first time meeting a new baby, and Dean's first time having a brother. "This is Sammy." Mary says with a smile. Adventurous as usual, Dean reaches out to grasp the pudgy hand. The baby laughs, and his older siblings exchange delighted glances.

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><p><strong>November Second - 1983 - Approximately "Urgh, But We're Not Tired..." O'clock. <strong>

Kelsey dozed contentedly on her mother's lap, Sam gurgling happy on her own small lap as Dean -seated within two feet of his sister, as had become habit- played with him gently. She would later berate herself for being so asleep, but well- she was only two years old. The young woman she would be later wasn't her yet. This knowledge... It didn't make anything better, but she couldn't stay awake. Not with the soft sound of her mother's voice, "_Hey Jude, dont make it bad. Take a sad sooong and make it bette-e-er. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can sta-art to make it better._" She snuggled her face into her mother's leg with a contented sigh, not noticing when Mary shifted Sam over to Dean, or when she was picked up and carried off. "_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder._" She finally fell the rest of the way to sleep when she was placed in her room. "_So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin, you're waiting for someone to perform with._"

It was one of the last truly happy moments that anyone in that house would experience for a long time.

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><p><strong>November Second - 1983 - Approximately "This Can't Be Happening!" O'clock. <strong>

Dean woke up to screaming. His father's bellows, his brother's wails, his sister's shrieks... the only one not screaming appeared to be his mother. He jumped out of bed and ran out the door to his room.

And then suddenly his father was screaming at him to get his brother and sister out of the house. "Go, Dean!" So the four year old goes as fast as he can, grabbing his baby brother out of his father's arms before sprinting for his sister's room across the hall.

"Dean!" His sister wails at him from across the room, eyes wide and frightened. She's hugging her knees to her chest, pink bunny pajamas looking absolutely wrong in the horrifying context. He doesn't waste time on explanations, sprinting over and grabbing little Kelsey's wrist and then tugging her out of the room. "Dean!" She protests, tripping over her own feet.

The smoke in the hallway chokes the three of them. Dean hears Kelsey's frantic questions, begging her big brother to tell her what's happening. He shakes his head and continues pulling her out of the house while also juggling the squalling baby.

They get out, finally, and fall to the wet ground outside together. Kelsey buries her face in Dean's shoulder, sobbing softly. He puts the arm that isn't occupied with Sam around her, rubbing her back gently. "Shh... It's okay, Kel." He murmurs. "It's okay." He starts to hum his mom's song -for that's all he knows it as, it'll be years before he knows the name, especially because his father won't play it again- and watches the house for his father.

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><p><strong>November Tenth - 1983 - Approximately "It's Time For The First Lie." O'clock. <strong>

It had only been a week, and they were understandably unsettled. Dean had opted to ride in the back of the Impala with Kelsey and Sam. The former was sitting curled up with her head against the window, and the latter was sleeping. Dean reaches over the sleeping baby to tap his sister's shoulder. The toddler turns red-rimmed grey-green eyes on him. "You okay Kel?" He asks softly, nervously glancing at their father.

"M'fine, Dean." She whispers. He sighs and turns back to his own window, not hearing her whisper, "I'm always fine."

She knows it isn't true. They both know. Hell, even Sam might know how _so not fine, very wrong _their lives are right now. But they're running on fumes at this point, so everything goes inside a little bottle, never to be touched.

And the countryside goes by, and 'Hey Jude' rings through all of their ears.

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><p><strong>Like I said, this is just a prologue, summarizing the early years. I do have a graphic for this up on my profile xP, if you want to check it out. I do not plan on making this fic all that predictable, I plan on it being something you don't necessarily know where it's going... And Kelsey is not a stereotypical character, I don't think. She has flaws, and problems, and shit to deal with entirely outside of canon. Please review, it would mean a lot to me. <strong>


	2. Home at last

**Oh, hey, what's this? Could it be? ANOTHER UPDATE? In less than a month? Who am I and what have I done with me? **

**Lol jk... sorta. **

**THANKS AGAIN to "Expression812" for the amazing review! I know I already thanked you via PM, but WOW. ALL OF THE AWARDS. **

**Disclaimer: Nah, just borrowing. I'll return Kripke's material in the same condition in which I took it... maybe... I do, however, own Kelsey, so please ask before you borrow ^.\\ **

**OH. And if you haven't checked out the graphic on my profile, it's awesome. You should check it.**

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><p><strong>~Pilot Part One~<strong>

Kelsey drums her fingers on the dashboard of the Impala as Dean drives to Palo Alto. "Okay, I get why you dragged _me _back into Dad's... whatever the fuck he thinks he's accomplishing... But why Sammy?" She frowns. "C'mon, Dean, he's got a normal life. Much as I'd like to see him, you know he doesn't want this." She turns her head to her older brother, eyebrows crinkling. The speakers are toned down as _Iron Man _by Black Sabbath plays, but she finds herself relaxing into the familiar surroundings. _Big brother driving? Check. Song I've heard fifty million times playing? Check. Comfy leather seats? Check. Annoying little brother pestering me? No check. _She sighs.

"You know why. We need as much help as we can get." Dean states, shaking his head. He's completely in his element... or so it appears. But, having known him her entire life, Kelsey can see the tightness in his shoulders. _He can... almost... **sense** how wrong this is. _The blonde thinks half-amusedly.

Then she smirks. "Liar. You just miss Sammy." She mumbles. He pretends not to hear as they pull in behind the building. _Sam. Sammy. Baby brother. Home. _A treacherous part of her mind whispers. _Shut up. He's not coming. _She snaps at it. "You're goin' in first, hotshot." She remarks, getting out of the car cautiously, to avoid straining injuries she's been nursing. He rolls his eyes at her and creeps up the steps. Kelsey smirks, following at a safe distance. _Idiot. He knows Sammy'll try something before he figures out who it is. _

Sure enough, as she steps in there's already a scuffle. "Sammy, it's us." She calls softly, chuckling. Immediately the larger shape of Sam stops trying to beat the smaller shape into submission.

"Oh... Hey Kelsey." And she can almost see him frowning at Dean, now. "Dean... Why were you breaking into my apartment in the middle of the night?" Kelsey stifles her laughter as she walks over.

The light flicks on overhead, showing a pretty blonde girl in pink boyshorts and a smurfs T-shirt... With a neckline that is probably the worst possible thing to wear within eight miles of Dean Winchester. "Jess!" Sam exclaims in obvious relief, standing. "Dean, Kelsey, this is Jessica. My girlfriend."

"Dean and Kelsey. As in your brother and sister." Jessica says slowly.

Dean smirks as he looks at her shirt. "Hey, I like the smurfs too. And may I say," he stepped closer, "You are way out of my brother's league."

"Dean, stop hitting on Sammy's girlfriend." Kelsey says in a bored tone of voice. She turns to look at Sam. "We need to talk." And finally, she faces Jessica. "If you could-"

Sam steps to his girlfriend's side. "No. Whatever you need to say to me, you can say to her."

Dean raises his eyebrows. "O_kay_. Dad hasn't been home for a couple days."

Sam shrugs and mutters something to the effect of their father being drunk and 'stumbling back in sooner or later', which Kelsey interrupts with a, "Sammy, he's on a hunting trip." Sam shuts up, eyes widening. "He hasn't been home for a few days."

"Jess excuse us. We have to go outside."

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><p>As the three siblings walk out, Sam's vehemently protesting. "You can't just <em>break in <em>in the middle of the night and expect me to just... hit the road with you." He looks back and forth between his brother and sister.

Kelsey smirks. "Aw c'mon, Sammy, why not? Would you rather we'd waited 'til morning?" His face clearly says he is _not amused thank you very much. _

Dean, however, looks solemn. "You're not hearing us, Sammy. Dad's missing." The _we need help_ is left unspoken.

"Remember the poltergeist in Amhurst? Or the Devil's gates in Clifton?" Sam demands.

Dean raises an eyebrow. "Yeah."

Sam looks exasperated. "He was missing then too. He's always missing, and he's always fine."

"He's got a point..." Kelsey states hesitantly.

Dean frowns. "Not for this long. Are you in or not?"

Sam's turn to frown. "I'm not."

"Why not?" Dean asks exasperatedly.

Kelsey butts in, trying to diffuse the tension. "I told you, Dean, he's got his dream life, he won't come. You knew that coming here."

"C'mon, it wasn't that bad." Dean mutters.

Sam frowns. "When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45!"

Kelsey rolls her eyes, slipping over the railing in an effort to catch up, just as Dean questions, "What was he supposed to do?"

"I was nine years old! He was supposed to tell me not to be afraid of the dark!"

Dean looks irritated. "Of course you should be afraid of the dark!"

"Don't even, Sammy, you got more innocent years than we did put together." Kelsey says softly.

Sam sighs. "It's just, the way we grew up after Mom was killed, and Dad's obsession to find the thing that killed her-"

"You would be too, if you'd seen it." Kelsey snaps.

Sam's fists clench. "But we _still _haven't found the damn thing."

"So we kill everything we can find!" His sister half-yells.

Dean nods. "Save a lot of people doin' it too." He states.

Sam huffs, and his siblings easily recognize his expression, that he thinks he's going to win the argument with his next point. "You think Mom would've wanted this for us?" Dean opens the door, not answering, and his younger siblings follow him through. "The weapons training? Melting the silver into bullets?" Dean just keeps walking, and Kelsey fingers the cigarette pack in her pocket. "C'mon, we were raised like _warriors._"

"So, what, you're just gonna live some normal, apple-pie life? S'that it?" Dean asks, eyebrows raised.

Sam shakes his head. "No. Not normal. Safe."

Dean rolls his eyes. "And that's why you ran away."

Kelsey growls. "He's not the one that ran away, Dean, don't stir this up."She turns to Sam, feeling the slots of her plan click into place despite her irritation. "Whatever, Sammy, you stay here. We'll just call if one of us rips the other's head off, right? Although..." She bites her lip and turns back to Dean. "This does seem like more of a three-person hunt..." Then she shrugs and moves away.

"...What was he hunting?"

And nobody sees her smirk.

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><p>Dean opens the weapon compartment in the trunk, both siblings looming over him. "So when Dad left, why didn't you go with him?" Sam asks curiously.<p>

"I was working my own thing, down in New Orleans."

Sam's face shows disbelief, but he turns to Kelsey. "And what about you?"

She crosses her arms over her chest. "Sammy, I left less than a week after you did. I haven't seen Dad in years." She says softly, meeting her little brother's eyes.

Dean interrupts, holding up newspaper articles as he explains the hunt. Sam starts leafing through. "So maybe Dad was kidnapped." He murmurs. Dean continues as if there was no interruption.

And then he drops the bombshell. "That was about three weeks ago." He sighs. "I haven't heard from him since, bad enough, but then I get this voicemail yesterday." He plays it. _"Dean something weird... happening... I need to try... figure out... Going on... Be very careful, Dean." _

Sam frowns. "You know there's EVP on that?"

Dean smirks. "Not bad, Sammy. Kinda like riding a bike, idn't it." He explains what he did to the voicemail, and then plays it again. _"I can never... go... home..." _

"I can never go home." Kelsey mumbles. _I sympathize... _

Dean sits on the hood of the car and faces them both. "Y'know, in almost two years, I've never bothered you two, never asked either of you for a thing."

"Alright, I'll go. But I have to be back first thing Monday."

Dean raises his eyebrows, and Kelsey smiles. "Job interview?" She asks, discreetly motioning Dean to stay silent.

"Ah, no, law school interview, and it's my entire future on a plate." Sam says, rolling his eyes.

Kelsey pats him on the back, and then wordlessly hops in the backseat, smiling as Dean starts the car back up. _Big brother driving? Check. Song I've heard fifty million times playing? Check. Comfy leather seats? Check. Annoying little brother pestering me? Check. Ah, home at last._

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><p><strong>Okay, I did copy a lot from the pilot itself, but... I really loved that episode, and I didn't want to change the beginning too much. So, kindly review, despite all the copying?<strong>


	3. Shake it off

**I should not have started this story xD. I gave her an inch, she took a mile. And, unsurprisingly, she's making me focus on the later seasons, and I can't spoil what happens for you guys. Jeez. **

**Actually... slight spoiler. I think it's amusing. When Dean says about Sam's "Genius plan to say yes" in 5x21... Kelsey's response: "Are you kidding me? Wasn't the whole point of this past year for neither of you to say yes? Wasn't that the _sum total _of our objectives? Fuck! Men!" And possibly she grabs a cigarette. Probably. Hehe.**

**Anyway... You _should _check that graphic, if only so you can visualize Kelsey as I'm visualizing her. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Supernatural, this wouldn't be a fanfiction ;)**

**Songs I listened to while writing this: "1985" _Bowling for Soup_. "Dirty Little Secret" _All American Rejects_. "Love Drunk" _Boys Like Girls. _"What the Hell" _Avril Lavigne_. "Good Girls Go Bad" _Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester. _"Kelsey" _Metro Station._**

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><p><strong>~Pilot Part Two~<strong>

By the time Dean finally stops the car at a gas station, everything feels back to normal... almost. They've fallen into old routines. Dean's blasting his music, singing along, drumming the beat out on the steering wheel. Kelsey's squirmed her way over the seat, sitting comfortably between her brothers and humming. Sam's playing with his phone and familiarizing himself with the case simultaneously, occassionally asking Dean to turn the music down/off.

And when they finally stop, things feel almost okay. As Dean gets out to get gas, Kelsey slides over on the seat and digs her cigarettes out of her pocket. She waves the pack in the air slightly. "Can you grab some of these for me, Dean?" She calls. He appears to roll his eyes, but says nothing.

Sam frowns at his sister. "You don't smoke." He says matter-of-factly.

"Oh but I do." She mutters back. "Have for a couple years now." Seeing the worried expression on his face, she laughs. "Relax, Sammy! It's not like I'm a pack-a-day smoker, just one or two every couple days. Helps with stress." She smiles reassuringly.

Dean comes out of the store. "Breakfast?" He asks, circling around the car to the gas pump.

Both of his younger siblings decline, and Sam asks. "So how'd you pay for that stuff anyway? You and Dad still running credit card scams?"

"What else'll pay the bills? Hunting ain't exactly profitable." Kelsey remarks.

Dean smirks. "And it's not our fault they send us the cards."

Sam scoffs. "What _names_ did you write on the applications?" He asks bitingly.

"Uh... Burt Afrahmian." He gets in the car, shoving Kelsey over into the middle, but not too roughly. Then he smirks. "And his son, Hector. Got two cards."

Kelsey groans. "Lucky. I've been 'Peggy Rosewood' for the past three months." She says the name in the snootiest voice possible.

Sam raises his eyebrows at her. "I thought you left the life?" He asks.

She grumbles. "Nah, just got out from under Dad's thumb, kiddo."

He nods, and then returns his gaze to the box of tapes on his lap. He looks at Dean. "I swear man, you gotta update your casette tapes."

"Why?" Dean asks, seemingly offended.

Sam rolls his eyes. "Well for one, they're _casette tapes._" He shakes his head. "And... Black Sabbath? Motor Head? Metallica?" Dean snatches the tape out of his hand. "It's the greatest hits of _mullet rock._"

"Shut it, Sammy. When you drive, if ever, you can pick the music." Kelsey says with a laugh. Dean nods in agreement and they pull out.

Sam frowns. "Ya know, _Sammy_ is a chubby twelve-year-old. It's _Sam._" He states firmly.

Dean turns the music on and smirks. "Sorry, can't hear you!" He shouts.

"And, for the record, you were never chubby." Kelsey states with a laugh.

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><p><em>The lights are dim, flashing occasionally. You sit at the bar while everyone else dances. It's a tiny establishment that can't decide whether it's a bar or a dance club, and off the radar- but hey, good music, good booze, good people... Over all, it's your type of scene. And hey, Dad would've disapproved, always a bonus. <em>

_But you finally got out. No more pressure from the old man, or disapproval when you're your own person, not a carbon copy of Dean... Or worse, Mom. You sigh, knowing that you just remind everyone of her, and even yourself as you grow out of your robust child years, your sassy adolescence, into a dignified young woman... _

_...Yeah. So dignified that you spend your weekends -and weeknights as well, actually- in this grimy little building with drunken strangers that occasionally accidentally get their eyes stuck a little low for your tastes. _

_You're snapped from your cynical contemplation when a gangly shape plops into the stool to your left. "You know, a delicate little girl shouldn't be alone in a place like this." A smooth voice tells you. You growl, but before you can snap at the voice's owner, he finishes. "Thank the lord that you're an obviously capable young woman." _

_You laugh. "Wow. Wasn't 'spectin' that one." You state in the rough southern drawl that alcohol always reveals in your voice. You turn to inspect the man. _

_Too tall, as you immediately decide. Even taller than your 'little' Sammy's getting. But there's no meat on this guy's bones. His wrist looks thinner than yours where they're too close on the bar- and you've always been thin. His hair is _very _red, pulled back in a loose ponytail. His eyes are the shimmery blue of the ocean. He wears a sharktooth necklace that makes you raise your eyebrows, but otherwise the standard 'Good Boy' ensemble. Dark blue jeans, a black tee, sneakers. He laughs. "Love the accent. I'm an east coast gentleman myself- if any man is truly a gentleman these days." _

_You smirk. "Well. Mind telling me your name, or must I only refer to you as 'The redhead gentleman with the funky necklace'?" _

_"Only if you tell me yours, 'Blonde lady with the leather jacket.'" He remarks, signalling the bartender to bring him a whiskey. _

_And damn if he hasn't just played you like a cheap kazoo. "You first." You begrudgingly continue the exchange, tainted as it now seems. _

_He smirks now. "Charlie Farmer." _

_"Kelsey Wade." You allow the lie to fall from your lips, and he leans in closer. _

_His lips against your ear, he whispers something that makes you cringe. "Why don't we go out back, discuss that Wendigo prowling around just outside town limits... And who we really are, Ms. -ahem- _Wade_." The fake name is said with no little sarcasm._

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><p>Kelsey started awake to a touch on her shoulder. "Damn, I musta dozed off!" She exclaims with a laugh. Sam rolls his eyes at her and steps out of the car, handing her a fake badge before following Dean.<p>

She sighs and tags along, shaking off memories of a better time.

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><p><strong>Loved it? Hated it? Want to rip my throat out for giving you so many questions? ;) Well, do that, and you won't get the next update tomorrowfriday. Reviews, however, make me write faster :D!**


	4. SemiImportant Author's note

**THIS IS JUST AN AUTHOR'S NOTE, BUT READ IT ANYWAY. **

**There, now that I have your attention... **

**ARE YOU KIDDING ME? _ONE _REVIEW FOR THAT LAST CHAPTER Dx? COME ON! **

**Even if you're just gonna critcize, at least _tell me something. _I assure you that the flashback/dream/whatever was significant! The significance, in fact, colors the _entire _story from this point on! SERIOUSLY. **

**Ugh, I am writing the next update, but I will _not _publish it until I get at _least _one more review for chapter three. **

**-Ally**


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